So, I find myself having moved yet again.
Interesting to think that for the past 4 years I have yet to spend more than one year in one house. Since I have left High School, I have not spent more than a year in one house, one living space. The longest was my past house, living with my best friends. I have now since moved to Calgary, a good three hour drive from any of them, into a house with, admittedly very nice and friendly people, strangers. I luckily had the Calgary Stampede to distract myself with, as I had spent the entire duration working my butt off at one of the casino bars, but I'm starting to feel more and more alone.
One of the biggest things I miss, is how close I was to my dear girlfriend Rae. No longer am I a quick 5 minute walk away if something pops up, or I'm just missing her and feeling lonely. It takes more of a conscious effort to spend time together, and it's just not something that I'm used to.
On top of this move, well, more to the point, the reason for this move, is that I am returning to school this September and I'll admit, I am very nervous. Will I enjoy it as much as I think I will? Am I building it up in my mind like I usually do? Is is going to be a disappointment, or will I love it even more than I thought I will? And those are just the questions I have about enjoying and returning to being a student!
It is very hard to move to a new city, especially when you know only a few people and are not sure when or how to get in touch with them. I am finding myself less and less of myself and more reacting to situations, not planning and thinking. It's as if I've turned on my autopilot and I'm waiting for somebody to come by and take the wheel.
Luckily, I have the most wonderful and amazing girlfriend in the world, who is such a light in my life that I have literally no clue what I would be doing without her. She really is the rock, the anchor for me, and that's why it's really hard to not be able to hop over if I want to see her. I really miss having her around all the time, sitting on the couch watching the food network and resting her legs on mine.
Equally hard, is now I am no longer living with my best friend. I really miss him dearly, and I will most likely be sending him an e-mail, text message, hand written letter and calling him today. He has finished all of his courses for his degree, and even managed to land himself a full time career, and I could not be more proud of him. That doesn't change the fact that I sincerely wish I could walk upstairs and see him sitting at the edge of his chair, about to throw his hands up in either joy or disgust at what the Eskimos are doing.
I know that I will grow to enjoy this city as much as I loved Edmonton, no matter how much I (and Rae) complained about it. It really did feel like home. Still does, to be honest. But I am almost afraid of what this new chapter will bring. Of losing touch with old friends, friends that I miss so much at the moment. Friends who I have been through thick and thin with, that I can sit by a campfire and have not a word said for half an hour and not wish for anything else in the world because it's just such a perfect moment.
And so, I say this. If you are planning to have a large move to another city, far from home and from friends, don't be afraid. The friends who really mean anything to you, and who really matter, will keep in touch, will see you, and you will feel like nothing has changed when you see them again. It really is okay to cry, and to bawl your eyes out as you finish packing and are on your way out the door, saying your goodbyes. Do not try and bottle it up, or stave it off "so you can deal with it later". Because then it will hit you one morning, and you will find yourself writing an enormous post about how sad you are.
What I am trying to get at here is this: I am upset today, because I miss my friends, I miss the proximity to my girlfriend, the ability to at any point in time walk into the living room and have at least one good friend with whom I could sit and chat, or bug, or watch a movie with. I miss being able to surprise my girlfriend by walking through her back door and sitting on the couch next to her while she watches Gilmore Girls for the seventeenth time.
With all of this uncertainty in front of me, I am nervous and a little bit scared. This was a big move, and I still do not think that it has hit me that I no longer live in Edmonton, 17 days later. It's a horrible feeling I have right now, and I know that I am rambling, but there is no other way for me to describe it.
And so, I leave this post with the following thoughts; Will I learn to enjoy this city and make some new friends? Will I be able to deal with the realization, and the bitter sadness that accompanies it, when it finally hits me? I certainly hope so.
And so, I bid thee farewell, and I am off to attempt to get more sleep before Rae gets here.
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